The Giving Lens

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Symbolic Prison Sentences

Why? I ask you why such a thing even exists.

Imagine the scene:

Johnny Good Lawyer is presenting his closing argument to the jury. They listen intently, for the most part, as he swaggers and postures around in front of them, making grand hand gestures and using big words like 'concordently' and 'Now, I don't know much about your big ciddy ways' as he slides his thumbs up and down the inside of his suspenders. (...and those things that hold up his pants. Hey O!)

He tells of the anguish and tragedy suffered by his client at the hands of another.

The Judge asks "Have you reached a verdict?"

"We have, your honour" would come the response.

Guilty, blah blah blah etc. Then the Judge reads out the verdict and the camera pans in for dramatic effect as the court room shakes and the judge bellows "I sentence you to a bajillion zillion years in prison!!!!!!"

Gasp, shock, horror! A large-breasted blonde faints, Journalists run for the phones wearing those hats with those little white cards resting on the side that say "Press"... because, y'know, why not?

The headlines of tomorrow's papers read "Man Sentenced to a Bajillion Zillion years in prison!!" With the redundent as fuck quote a few lines down "Sentence is mostly symbolic".

No fucking shit it's symbolic!! What are we, Trees!? Why give out such ludicrously pointless sentences? "Yo, dawg. You hear what happend to TJ? He got sent down for a stretch in San Quentin! "Oh word, fo real? How long he got?" "Motha fucka got 20,000 years!"

Gah!!! ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) Y U Gotta be so retarded!? (...and stereotypically racist)

This rant was brought on by this article which I found via the BBC's News website stating that a 55 year old ex-soldier was givin a 6,060 year prision sentence for his role in a war crime during the Guatemalan Civil War.

Ok, so I understand making an example and bringing such a criminal to justice but come on. The maximum life sentence is 50 years. The dude is 55!! He's not going to live long enough to ever to see the end of the actual sentence. Why piss around with stupid numbers!?

Man, I'm angry today. And to top it all off THIS happened!

Shoot me, shoot me now!

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